Glastonbury’s favourite medical intervention and cure-all is, amazingly, a tiny sugar pill. You’re not allowed to touch them except with your mouth and mint kills the magic. They call it Homeopathy.

Traditional Homeopathy is based on the German premise that the less there is of something, the more potent it is. No-one knows why. 

A trained homeopathic scientist will first take a tiny amount of an often dangerous substance then dilute its essence by swilling it about in lots of water.
After spending time carefully adding a drop from the last dilution to the new one and diluting the dilutions further and further, while occasionally banging the dilutions on a cow hide, finally, for some reason, the resulting water is magically activated. It contains the memory of the originally added substance which is now potentised to ignore everything else the water has come into contact with before, and now can be used a drop at a time to cure cancer and tuberculosis. Truly incredible.

 

 


 

Homeopathic Computing

Water, as we all know, has a memory. But a US company- Waterload OVBS™ has now taken Homeopathy to the next quantum level.
At the 2016 Search for the Molecule conference, the company announced to the world’s press that Waterload researchers, in conjunction with the computer giants, Microsoft had finally succeeded in stabilising a new type of super-potentising water. The implications are obviously huge.
So far, the product can offer 1 terabyte of optimised memory in a single drop of water, and this can only improve as the technology is further refined and diluted.

Ever fancied downloading yourself into your bath water? Well, in a few years, you may well be able to. Oceans of information and online surfing could soon become nothing less than a literal reality.


Homeopathic Cooking

Homeopathic cuisine has its own distinctive form and dilution principles, though the concept of increased potency with lessening amounts is still adhered to. This concept has been applied to food to such a degree that homeopathically-derived food is now a key player in the world of nouvelle cuisine. The taste is exquisitely subtle, minimal and fleeting, yet unambiguously distinctive.

The Feeding Five Thousand Café is the first homeopathic restaurant in the world. It first opened its doors to the Glastonbury public at the end of 2013, to great acclaim.
Setting up the restaurant only began earlier that year, after The Mayan Prophesy of 2012 had been and gone. When nothing had actually happened and Glastonbury shops quietly and embarrassedly removed all the Mayan Prophesy books from their window displays, it was considered safe to proceed.
An intensely minimal advertising campaign was then mounted, following guidelines set out in the Protocols of Homeopathy. One postage stamp-sized advertisement containing microscopic details of the café, including the opening date, was placed in the corner of a Biblical quote-for-the-week billboard on the outskirts of Bristol. Thanks to the miracle of homeopathy, one tiny advert succeeded in reaching over a quarter of the South-West’s population.

Now in its second year, the Feeding Five Thousand Café’s ethos can be summed up best in the words of Schumacher. Small is beautiful. Their accountants would certainly agree. In one year alone they have made over half a million pounds in profit.


Word Homeopathy

Word homeopathy has recently achieved some amazing results with those suffering from stuttering, stammering and other speech difficulties.
Initial findings seem to also suggest a similar effect on babies learning to speak for the first time. Put simply, to gain the required word, an essence of the word is distilled digitally into a short micro vibration before being sent into the subject via bone conduction, thus avoiding the need for the eardrum to convert sound waves. This enables the purity and verisimilitude of the word to be preserved intact, and can be seeded into the brain with 100% efficiency. Within seconds, the word presenting the difficulty ceases to be a problem and may be spoken freely.


Criminal Homeopathy

Habitual re-offenders in the prison system are now being targeted with a viable alternative to sentencing or community service. In criminals using violent crime, for example, the technique is two fold. Firstly, the emotional responses in the subject are normalised through brief exposure to a short burst of very angry music. Then, according to the kind of crime committed, the criminal is encouraged to slightly re-enact the crime.

In the crime of assault, the criminal might be asked to lightly flick a prison service volunteer. This has the effect of immunising the offender against violence. A burglar might be asked to lightly scratch a pane of glass or merely hold a crow-bar for a few brief moments with obvious knock-on effects.


Aromeopathy

Homeopathic perfumes are growing in popularity thanks to a half hour networked documentary shown earlier this year in the United States, now available on line, entitled ‘Scent Across The World’’. On days specified by the individual client, a tiny amount of customised quality perfume is sprayed into the outside air from a dedicated room of the renowned perfume house, the Ol-Factory of Kiev, situated in the Ukraine.

After the required twenty four hour delay, wafts of homeopathic perfume will infuse and lift the senses and provide subtle yet strong accents to the recipient’s day. A photograph of each customer is held at source to help guide the perfumer’s intent to the right person. An extra potent, highly dilute preparation can be released to coincide with Friday and Saturday nights for that extra special something.
For busy Holistic practitioners, or Body-workers on the go, Aromeopathy is a must.


Homeopathy has wide reaching implications across the board.
Its potential is only just becoming apparent but is sure to provide dilute solutions to most problems it is applied to.

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