The Magic of Crystals

Over the last year, I’ve sat and meditated with each of the sacred gem stones until finally the personality energy of each month has been revealed to me.
I hope this list will help people to gain insight and realign their chakra light energy to link fully with the universe and buy my book.

Mother Earth, we bless you for your bounty and send also blessings to the miners who risk their lives every day so that we can benefit and be crystal-blessed through their selfless work.



January- Garnet

Personality
People with garnet as their birthstone are cruel and vindictive. They are known to sing out of tune on purpose.

Healing Powers
Garnet is known to aid with memory loss in those moments when you can’t forget someone laughing at you being ‘into’ crystals. It also prevents autism and boosts the appendix.



February-Amethyst

Personality
People with amethyst as their birthstone are violent and misogynistic. They are known to ride bicycles foolishly.

Healing Powers
Amethysts can be used at any time, for anything. They are the universal cure-all, helping with non-specific urethritis as well as having the ability to raise the vibration of washing machines.


March- Aquamarine

Personality
People with aquamarine as their birthstone are secretive and dangerous. They are known to steal back their children’s lunch money.

Healing Powers
The patron stone of surfers, due to aquamarine’s amazing ability to de-gnarl a wave. Used for centuries as the name of a colour as well as a preventative against kangaroo bites. Also helps with the functioning of the tricuspid valve.


 

April- Diamond

Personality
People with diamond as their birthstone are self obsessed and ignorant to other people’s needs. They are known to sting close family with wasps.

Healing Powers
The hardest of them all and  yet known to be great with kids, diamond can be used safely in the workplace as well as at home. Known to be very shiny and healing. Energetically, the stone is very powerful, being used in energy work across the more affluent parts of the world.


 

May- Emerald

Personality
People with emerald as their birthstone are mean-spirited and petty. They are known to not have any friends.

Healing Powers
Emerald is known to be sensitive to darkness, so must be kept in the light at all times. It acts as a conduit to our higher selves, offering insights to mysterious rashes and holiday destinations. It also cures vaccine injuries.


 

June- Pearl

Personality
People with pearl as their birthpearl are neurotic and boastful. They are known to always jump queues as they appear to be more important.

Healing Powers
Pearls are known to be one of the best boosters for the immune system, creating a permanent autoimmune response in the body. It also has the ability to regulate good and bad energy, being known to be an amoral gem.


 

July- Ruby

Personality
People with ruby as their birthstone are extremely right wing and dishonest. They are known to misinterpret a handshake.

Healing Powers
Traditionally used against ague. We now know this to be false, thanks to Science. Ruby is however confirmed as a good flu preventative as well as still being the main bad energy repellant of all the gem stones.


 

August-Peridot

Personality
People with peridot as their birthstone are domineering and gullible. They are known to urinate naked and in public.

Healing Powers
Peridot has not yet been found to have any healing powers whatsoever. This hasn’t stopped Science from continuing to research peridot however, in case of it triggering a healing response in a future disease, maybe caught from grey aliens.


 

September- Sapphire

Personality
People with sapphire as their birthstone are overcritical and overbearing. They are known to believe in Santa Claus.

Healing Powers
Known as the Earthing Crystal, carrying sapphire can give the feeling and benefits of walking barefoot in a meadow, even when driving through London at rush hour. It also detoxes the body from wifi energy.


 

October- Opal

Personality
People with opal as their birthstone are thoughtful and quite nice though only to your face. They are known to be obsessed by photos of people crying on Instagram.

Healing Powers
Opal is known to prevent MSG and aspartame toxins from binding with DNA’s molecular strands. It is vastly superior to turmeric for clearing the body of all diseases.


 

November- Citrine

Personality
People with citrine as their birthstone are manipulative and greedy. They are known to enjoy watching dogs have sex.

Healing Powers
Citrine is great for detoxing. It is known to give boundless energy and works with with the lavender plant spirit to promote detox and energy.


 

December- Turquoise

Personality
People with turquoise as their birthstone are rude to a fault and bigoted. They are known to lick strangers’ faces for fun.

Healing Powers
Turquoise connects with the spirit ancestors, offering insights and positive affirmations on rainy days. It’s a gem stone known to restore lustre to lifeless hair. It also prevents sunburn.


 

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