Signs and Designs


One day in 1925, a woman living in Chilton Polden called Katharine Maltwood found that she could see shapes on a local map that looked just like Guinevere and Arthur Pendragon. Not only that, but the two forms she kept on trying to get other people to see definitely formed part of a much larger zodiac, a forgotten spiritual gift to mankind from the Ancients.

Defined by ancient tracks and boundaries, hay bales, badger tracks and streams, Maltwood’s zodiac spread across the landscape of the Vale of Avalon, a Star-Temple echoing the astrological signs up above in the night sky and she was to be its guardian. It soon became known as the Glastonbury Zodiac.

I would like you to join me as I try to re-enact her process.

Just for fun, I’m doing away with the map idea and instead, I’ll be going up Glastonbury Tor and looking out over the landscape for real. This is potentially very exciting. Perhaps the Ancients have left more mystical signs coded below our very feet that only I can read, making me very special. Let’s find out.

I meditate for couple of minutes, half way up on a bench in the sun to attune myself to the hidden thingummy whatsits.

My mind’s blank now and I’m screwing up and squinting my eyes as I begin to walk… up, up, up… I’ve squished something on the path but my eyes are by now too attuned to see what it is…

I’m nearly at the top now, a bit… out… of breath… and I’m looking around, looking around… crouching a little distance from the joint smoke and Djembe players and… now. I’m linked.

I’m contemplating a whole load of fields that I can feel intuitively are suggesting the shape of a spiritual figure. It’s becoming clearer as I’m looking at it. I’m wondering if it’s Jesus and whether it’s a veiled reference to the messianic bloodline. Actually, now I’m looking at it a bit longer, it could be a headless eagle brandishing its own noggin in its claw… Then again it could be a horsey, a baa-lamb or the sign for Aquarius. Damn it. It could be anything. Um. Maybe those fields over there might be more productive…

Dot to dot, star to star and hedge to hedge. It’s not as easy as Mrs Maltwood made it look. It’s an exhausting business, this kind of thing.

Using the basic zodiac, astrology has been used from time immemorial to divine the future, give clues to present problems and explain the past. It’s still the only way to truly decide whether someone is to be trusted, enjoyed as a friend, arrested or married.

Astrology is an amazing tool to run your life by, without having to waste time with the fraudulent pseudo-scientific mumbo-jumbo of Science. Astrology explains wars, thunderstorms and plague. We can even use it historically. For example, if we know exactly when and where Queen Elizabeth the first was born, we can find out exactly who she really was, without having to waste time on often fictitious history books. With it we can even discover why Einstein was so damn clever.

Astrology is way better than sex.

However, let’s not forget that for every Einstein with his perfect trines, there is a Hitler sporting bad conjunctions and evil planetary alignments.
Some believe that we need to be honest with ourselves and grasp the astrological nettle. Without those meddlesome stars and planets controlling and changing our lives, they argue, wouldn’t we all have a bit more of a fighting chance at true happiness?
If we could destroy them all, maybe with laser beams or nuclear bombs, then we could be truly free.
Well, until that happy day, we can at least console ourselves with the fact that we’re not Capricorns.



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