“Good morrow Mistress Magpie…” Salute. Now turn three times anti-clockwise… one, two, three… spit. That should do it. Phew. You’re safe.

As the bird flies into the distance, take a moment and ask yourself-  what on earth were you doing. Not sure?

Well, you were using politeness and spitting, coupled with the magic of numbers to prevent the magpie’s inherently bad nursery rhyme energy attaching to your luck gland. This would of course destroy any chance you had of finally courting Elsie the tanner’s daughter or Arthur the baker’s lad.

Numbers have power. As do magpies. If there’s two or more  together, you’re safe. But if there’s only one, then their true evil is exposed. Watch them un-noticed for long enough and you’ll see them busy at work cursing the rest of nature with badness too. And nature can’t count like we can and is unaware of politeness, so any weasels, badgers or bumblebees are defenceless against the magpie’s evil might.

In Glastonbury, while due reverence is of course paid to all magpies, it’s also believed that every name has intrinsic magical power too. So every new Glastafarian has to go through the same desperate rush to change their name from a normal one like Dave or Louise to one that they feel better fits their personality, like Aura Starborn or Oak.*

Care has been taken to get the numerical value of the letters just right. After all, every letter that makes up every word in the universe corresponds to a magical number. When all those letters are added up together, the resulting number reveals which names are magically powerful and which are not. It does, it really does. Choose a New Age name with the right number and it will lend that power to you. Three, for instance, is why the names Isis, Star and Willow resonate like a singing bowl, calling down angels and other ethereal beings of light into the heart-chakra. Terry, Steve and Cheryl on the other hand just don’t. At all. Ever. Curiously, Donald Trump is numerologically the best name to have in the world.
This wonderful and important study of names and numbers is called Numerology and is definitely not silly at all.

Children growing up in Glastonbury often get a head start, starting off with numerically significant names like Peace or Merlin. In later years it’s common for them to take other names like Paul or Shelley instead, completely ignoring the negative numerological implications of their actions in the excitement of finally moving away to London.

 

*Funnily enough, parents everywhere, even New Age ones, exhibit the same disbelief and refusal to accept the decision of their dearest flower to change their given name.

“We called you Moss Chakra-light and that’s your name. It’s a beautiful name. Do you want to give your birth father an energy blockage? I think you need to be with yourself for a bit and meditate until you stop all this silliness, even though we both acknowledge your truth and your journey. Go on, up to your sleeping platform…”

 

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